Being an Anchor

 

I am an anchor.

It is a natural thing for me to fall into. I am a confidant, I am a psychologist, I am an open non judgmental listening ear for everyone I feel in my life needs it. It is my nature. Pouring my positive energy into people is one of my favorite most intrinsic things to do. It is a selfless job, it is great that people feel that my advice is worthy of taking into consideration, it is what makes relationships with others valuable.

What happens if I need to be anchored? My ship ties decide to become loose, and I sway in an uncharted direction? Who helps pull me back to the dock? Lately, I have felt like I was finding myself  swaying in uncharted waters. I am human, it is only natural that I have some feelings of “What direction do I go to next?” Well, I guess I have to take some of that good ole advice that I dish out (Which is really hard to do btw).

This portion of my life has put me in touch with a lot of my emotions. I placed a wall up at some point in my life where my emotions, my human feelings were there, but I had a mask on to the entire world. I have a tendency to place my emotions and feelings on things on the back burner to not cause conflict. Also so I don’t look like some “emotional” or “sensitive” person. “It IS okay to be human.”  is something I have had to tell myself, it is okay to have some conflicts. You have to learn that you matter as well, even if people expect you to go along with something unrealistic.

I really learned that my emotions matter when I had my baby. She was my wake up call to show, you still feel, you are not emotionless inside, and it is perfectly fine to feel that way outwardly. Your emotions do matter. So in essence, my baby girl has helped me stand up a lot more for what I feel is right. Now, by no means will I go overboard with it, but I need to make sure that others do not try to mess up my peace. Being vulnerable is the beauty of being human. It can hurt sometimes, but it comes along with the process. It is the key to finding your joy.

I am learning that I can pour into those, as well I can anchor them. I just need to make sure when I pour I consider myself too. Isn’t the maturation process amazing? Going through it, you certainly do not think so, but reflecting, there is indeed beauty in it.

 

 

Photocred:http://cruelkev2.blogspot.com/2009/12/ships-anchor-cuts-cable-between-la.html via google

Day in the Life of a Single Mother

Yesterday,

 

It was a day. It involved tears, trials and tribulations. It was only Monday! Being a single Mom is a tough job, but you just have to keep going even when you feel like you want to quit. I forgot my child’s milk and my sitter lives far. I had to double back and pick it up from home only to forget my work badge. I get to work late, it was a decent day, very few hiccups until I forgot my breast milk in the lactation room after everyone left, and let me tell you it was a struggle each time to  even get 4oz out. So I had to go to another floor, knock on the door just to get back on my floor. After I start to make my way out of the office, I forget my milk again! So I have to do the whole knocking thing on a different floor again just to get it. I get in the car, start talking to a good friend about my emotions and other things, shed a few tears about it forget I had on mascara, so by the time I get to my sitter I look like a raccoon. I had no idea. I get my baby, decide I need to shop for food and I pray she doesn’t wake up in the hussle and bussle of a busy grocery store. Go through the store shopping with my raccoon eyes, and I’m getting weird stares, I  pay no attention of course, because hey I didn’t know. So I finish shopping, the baby wakes up when I am checking out and fusses all the way home. She is just tired and simply wants to be held. I get to my apt, and there is parking right at my building but someone is moving. The baby is crying. So I ask them if I can park next to them, they say oh there is someone there I just give up and park in Zamunda and decide, I’m going to carry this baby, milk, and all these groceries to my apt in one trip or die trying. I almost died grunting, panting, all the way across the courtyard and all the way up to the second floor. Neighbors who are moving are looking at me weird but hey I made it.  Raccoon eyes and all.

This is my everyday life, and yeah I get weary, yes, I cry about it sometimes, but I get to start over everyday and I just have to keep going. I am sure it gets better, but this is my reality. This is my everyday life. I have small victories and I take them. I think having perspective is key, and also my daughters smiles coos and simply her presence makes it all worth my while. This is just a snippet of one of my days and I still find time to be encouraging, take on projects, maintain friendships, and have great hair! LOL. Until next time.

1st Mommy/ Daughter trip

We had our first trip this weekend to Dallas. I wanted to visit friends and attend the football game against one of our biggest rivals, The Texans. Living in Houston as a Dallas Cowboys fan is rough. You can never catch a break. The fans heckle and poke fun at every second. So I just had to go and see this defeating moment live. Boy was it eventful!

 

Being a Breastfeeding Mom and with a new baby I started out at 8am on a Friday just so I could not be engorged and would have daylight to deal with the baby if she fussed. I live 4 hours away from Dallas. I was also traveling with my dog Gizmo and I was all by myself. A big feat, but nothing I could not handle. I got there in great time and got to hang with my good friend Nakia. London and her got to have a reunion and Gizmo and Peanut (our dogs) got reacquainted as well. We all went to have some Brunch on Sunday at a place called Johnathan’s, it was delish.

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London was a baby celebrity. Everyone loved her outfit and the fact that she was a baby, had everyone coming by the table. I have to get used to that. I didn’t expect so many other people to actually engage me and my little one.

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We then went to Uptown Park? Near Max’s wine dive and did some shopping. I tried on jeans, but of course they do not sell things in a tall. :-( Oh well. We met up with my blog buddy Chelsea, and had Mimosas and some good girl talk! I will be back, and we will of course have to hang out again. I had a blast with her.

 

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I went with two good friends, Brandi and Sid and we were ready for war! LOL. Kidding.

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The Texans fans really showed up to this game. I think we were about even when it came to fans. I cheered, I almost cried (After a missed Field Goal that sent the game into overtime), and I screamed and acted like a….crazy fan! I love me some football, it was my Dads favorite sport to watch and since I am a Daddy’s girl, well, I followed in his footsteps.

 

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After the game, I pretty much lost my voice and was tired. I went out the night before and then with a few hours of sleep woke up to do my motherly duties (Pumping and bonding), and forgot to really eat. So that evening I made sure that I ate some food, and sadly I became sick. Food poisoning. For a breast feeding mom that is a nightmare. I needed that food that wouldn’t stay down, and I needed to stay hydrated. I might have curled into fetal position a few times. I woke up early the next day and took off  back to Houston. It rained the entire time but overall the baby stayed asleep and we made it home safely. Traveling with a baby was not the easiest, but it was not half bad. We will be doing it again!

Now it is time for me to get back on my GMAT studies I start tonight/ tomorrow. I need at least 4 hours of study every other day until Dec. Wish me luck

A letter to my daughter

Hello London,

You are currently 2 months old and I have to say I love you to pieces. You are the joy of my life. I never thought my heart could swell so big, I never knew I could love so big, and you, yes you young lady are the cause of it. I think back on your journey into my life, and I believe you were brought here to give me a purpose. Some of that purpose is to pour into you, all of the good qualities I hold and, all of the ones I want you to have. You will be a wonder. You will be amazing. You are truly a blessing that inspires me to do better. You are motivation. I cannot wait to show you what success is, and that the climb to it is the hardest, but most important part. I think that everyone’s life you come into, you bring happiness . I only expected you to bring joy into my life and now I see that the happiness you give me expands into others lives.  When I prayed for joy and happiness in my life, it came in the most unexpected way, you. When you 1st arrived, I was unsure of what to do. Those big pretty eyes opened, and showed me that love still exists, it is still a reality. Now I know why children enrich a persons life, I now have 1st hand experience. Daughter, I want you to know God, I want you to know faith, I want to you to know that prayer works. Your existence is the proof. I love you London P. Tucker with all of my heart. Muah.

Getting back in the groove of it all

Hey guys!

I am finally officially off of maternity leave. I took 8 weeks off to spend time with my precious little girl and I enjoyed every minute. Now that I am back at work as of Monday, I am officially a working mother. It is bittersweet. I love to work, productive days are what I live for, but I love being a mother, being there for every waking moment for my child. I can see why tons of women do not come back to work. I probably would not be one of those women. I have a few things career wise that I HAVE to accomplish. If I set out a goal, I hold myself accountable to finish it. I am not faulting stay at home moms or those who decide they need more time with a new baby, but I know that I would always have that “what if?” in my head. So back to the grind it is.

Challenges I am having at the moment is finding time to work out, and just get some things done. Having a little one and being a single mother has proven to be a challenge, but I am learning that I am no wonder woman and as long as I have a plan and try to accomplish two things in a day vs 10-15, that I will be okay. Eventually I will be able to accomplish more, but baby steps are required at the moment.

In baby news my little one will be 2 months officially on Friday. Time is flying. She can hold her neck up pretty well, and has some good  movement, is following objects very well, and she is very alert. She startles easily. She has just begun to coo and smile when you smile at her and it is so joyous to experience. I love it. Motherhood is bliss.

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That’s all for my update! I look forward to blogging about my Mommy/Challenges/Workouts/Life adventures on a more consistent basis.

Post Baby Body

I know that most women do not post their post baby bodies, but I will. Yes, I have stretchmarks and yes, my linea nigra still present (dark line down your belly you can get while pregnant), but I want to tell you, working out pre baby, and eating well, and breast feeding post baby really works. I could have really had an awesome post baby body, had I worked out during my pregnancy, but I did not. I am happy to say I lost all but 4lbs of my baby weight and my post baby body is leaner, my waist has shrunk tremendously.

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Having a baby can be complicated,  especially when you are induced, and your epidural gives out during labor. Fun times. I commend any woman who had a natural delivery. It is NOT for the weary.  But the joy you recieve from bringing life in this world is something I just cannot put into words. My transition from a singular person to a woman with a child was seamless. I was “built for this” in the words of my child’s father. Here is my little bundle of joy, London Paige. WARNING! She is absolutely adorable! image image She is one month old as of recent and we are both learning the ins and outs of eachother and breast feeding.  It’s awesome to give your child nourishment and watch them grow. It’s something a bond that only me and my little one share. All smiles.

Almost Full Term

Hey there!

 

How is everybody? Me I am over here just counting down the little days I have left before I have a little one to care for. Honestly, I am terrified/excited/asking Jesus if I can do this. 10 little fingers and toes will be my responsibility. That’s a lot. I have had a few hiccups in my plan as far as having assistance from a few family members, and I will say, it was a very eye opening experience. People who I would not have even imagined to even be interested in my life, have offered me assistance in my transition from a singular individual to a mommy. I am forever grateful, and words, tears, and emotions cannot even describe how thankful I am for those people. :-) They get all of my smiley faces.

I had my 36 week Doctor appointment yesterday, and my cervix is closed and the baby is high up. Looks like she will take her time coming into this world, and I do not plan on rushing her (Unless medically necessary or at/past my due date). If I can avoid a c-section, I will. My doctor wanted me to induce and I was like no ma’am. She looked at me funny like are you sure, I was like I am positive. The more my little one can cook the better she will be health wise. No need to rush what my body is naturally programmed to do. I know there are some Moms out there who are pro induction, but this little lady, is not. I do not care how many stretch marks my belly button is getting. (Let’s pour a little bio oil out for my new stripes), haha.

In other adventures, I have been taking “usies” LOL  and trying to refrain from profane language to those inconsiderate people who park their cars extra close to your door. Try fitting a belly, 6ft of long legs and this booty all in my car from the passenger side. I am also amazed at the little movements my belly does. My baby likes to contort my stomach. I’ve had what looked like Camel humps,  little elbows, and cleavage LOL! Other than that My dog, Gizmo has no idea that his attention is about to be divided. I am sort of worried about how he will adjust, but I am sure my smart little Yorkie will get the hang of it once he gets over being jealous. I’ve secretly been tempted to put a onsie on him, but I have not. He is a boy and I do not need to exploit my poor doggie like that.

 

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34 weeks Plus!

38 more days until I have a daughter!

Wow has time flown by. She has been the center of my universe and I am sure she will continue to be when she gets here. I almost have everything I need for her there are just a few things that I need to purchase and voila! Baby London will have everything she needs. I am also trying to prepare pre prepped meals so I will not have to worry about feeding myself. In the past month, I have had a Baby shower (Pics will be posted later), and a Maternity photoshoot! Here are some proofs

 

 

 

I also have had a few scares, as you progress into your 3rd trimester you spring leaks. I thought that I was leaking amniotic fluid at least 2 times. But I am fine at the nervous she’s almost here stage. My life has been no cake walk when it comes to stress and other personal life events, but I am handling it all as best as I can. I have learned you just have to learn what is really important and you cannot focus on what you cannot control. Just do your best and that will have to be good enough. My baby will also have several playmates, my cousin, brother, and a few friends are expecting babies!! This is an exciting time! I cannot wait to post about my baby’s arrival. Until then!

7 Months and updates

Hello world!

 

I have been here in the background following my blogger friends and what not but I have not been posting. I have good news, I am 28 weeks and 5 days pregnant (seven months) and I have 11 weeks more to go! I am in my 3rd trimester and  I cannot wait to meet my little one!

I passed my classes for Grad school and let me tell you my level of concentration was not all there. Like at all. I made it with B’s. I have been really putting my all into my baby shower and planning it has been no easy feat.( I have a checklist!)  I am also spending more time with family and friends and working on my long term relationships. I went this weekend with my oldest niece in tow to Schlitterbaun. Schlitterbaun is a waterpark close to San Antoinio that is arguably one of the biggest waterparks in the world.  Fun times my whole family came out for the event and we had a blast. My niece loved it they had so many areas for kids to play in and she took FULL advantage.  She got sick however and nursing a 5 year old while pregnant and exhausted is not easy. The next day I fell asleep everywhere!

This weekend I get to spend time with my youngest niece and she is a cutie! I am excited to get all of this family time because it really is showing my little family does bond. I love it!

 

23 Weeks…Time Flies

Time is flying,

 

As far as this pregnancy goes. I am almost in my 6th month (and according to some calendars I am in my 6th month).  One week away from it. So cool. According to everyone I am small, and my doctor thinks I need to slow down on my eating. I looked at myself and I see nothing but belly and boobs. I know myself, and I know my regular weight minus working out. It’s a little bigger, so I think she may be wrong but I am listening to her…sort of. I am not of an average size and I also don’t fit the standards when I gain muscle mass. But I have been active, walking, dancing, playing with my dog, ect. I’m not sitting around gaining weight. My butt would fall asleep!

As for school, I missed one whole entire discussion module(which is bad) but I passed all of my tests. Hopefully I do well in this last module. I would like to finish with a strong B in class and take a summer class. I want to finish by at least 2015. Pray for me!  Other than that I have been nesting and obsessing about my nursery and up and coming shower. Fun times. Here are some pics for your viewing pleasure.